A few lawyer jokes for those that appreciate lawyers as much as I do. I'm entitled, for those who don't know, I am one.
How can you tell the difference between a dead skunk and a dead attorney on the road?
The vultures aren't gagging over the skunk.
(varition of ending: skid marks)
What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.
What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
Jewelry.
If you are stranded on a desert island with Osama, Sadam, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
Shoot the lawyer twice.
What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.
What do lawyers do after they die?
They lie still.
What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.
I've got lotta more...check back next week.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
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14 comments:
R.J.
You know I gotta say this.
I spent a lot of years managing and consulting to lawyers throughout the U.S. and Canada. Even though keeping some positive order among them is like trying to herd cats, the extreme majority of them are smart, incredibly hard working people making a meaningful contribution to our overall wellbeing and freedom. There is with certainty a slime factor among them, but a rare one.
To me, the three most significant injustices to lawyers are 1) when the Supreme Court dropped the advertising barriers, 2) series television and 3) the undeserved jokes.
I'm not a lawyer--don't have the intellectual capability--but I admire the good ones who are.
This one is my favorite:
"What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish."
Amen to that!
Tanya
My dad's a lawyer. He loves lawyer jokes. You know the one about the lawyer at the pearly gates, R.J.? St. Peter is telling him how nice he got to live such a long and productive life?
Lawyer: What do you mean? I'm only 37!
St. Peter: Not according to your time sheets. According to your time sheets you're 103!
Accountants are really boring. I'm an accountant, I know. There's only one accountant joke. Maybe I'll blog about it tomorrow.
Ivan, I view lawyer jokes as self-depricating. No offence meant, except to those deserving of it. As to your three injustices, the first two I, sort of agree, they are debatable, the last though I can't agree with.
Jokes are a polical commentary or mirror held up to the profession. In my experience many are well deserving.
Tanya, glad you liked that one.
M.G. Most lawyers I know find jokes about heir profession amusing - I know I sure do. Good one about the time sheets, I know a few that should be 1000 years old.
I am an accountant also, at one time in my life I had a thriving tax practice. It sucked counting other peoples money though...
You know your life is over when you win an adding machine race(for those who don't know-this is what accountants do for FUN-race to see who can correctly tabulate a long column of numbers)
Holy Cannoli, R.J!
I forgot those rollicking adding machine races! Man, accountancy is a profession that knows how to have a good time. There should be a reality show about us: Accountants Gone Wild.
Harsh jokes...but I enjoyed them. Thanks forchecking out my blog, you were my first visitor! I posted ch.1 with breaks. Hope you stop back.
M.G. I think you should pitch the Accountants Gone Wild...they should be naked though. On second thought many of the accountants I know are not that, er...photogenic.
Lainey. Hey, I was first at something? Good Luck with your blog. Mine is a work in progress. Stop by anytime.
Maybe I should pitch Accountants in Leather?
Q.What's the difference between 4 lawyers in a Porsche and a porcupine?
A.The porcupine has its pricks on the outside.
A lawyer witnesses two cars crash into each other. He rushes over and says, "I saw everything and I'll represent either side!"
A lawyer received a check for $10,000 from a client who only owed him $1,000. What was his ethical dilemma?
Whether to tell his partner.
Man, I love lawyer jokes.
Best,
Mark Terry
www.mark-terry.com
Outside the loop again!
Accountants Gone Wild? That's when they do adding machine races nekkid while blindfolded.
Nekkid accountants, nekkid and blindfolded, that sounds like a Brittish game show.
but I enjoyed them. Thanks forchecking out my blog he is very luck.
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